Hello .. My Name Is .....

... Sherry .. and I "might" be a Sims addict .. O_o

It all started just over 8 years ago .. when I happened upon some online ads for a new game coming out for the computer .. and I was instantly hooked .. combing the internet for screenshots and previews .. whatever I could find.

Over the next 3 years, I bought the first game that came out .. then the next 7 expansions .. that's right 7 !! .. and kept the 8 boxes neatly piled on the corner of my desk .. because .. the computer I had was an old 486 that they could NOT even be played on !! O_O

In January of 2003 .. they released a version of the Sims for the Playstation .. and thank God .. as at last I was able to indulge the desire to play .. though .. truth be told .. all it did was fan the flames to play that ever growing pile of games on my desk even more.

Eventually .. in December of 2003 .. just a scant 9 months before the release of The Sims 2 .. I FINALLY got the computer of my dreams .. set about the long process of installing all 8 of the Sims games that I had been holding in "reserve" .. and began to play in ernest. Hours flew by .. disappearing as moments .. time I will NEVER get back by the way .. but I don't care .. it was great .. and I was happy !!

Then .. one day while looking for tips and cheats .. *oh hush ... :P* .. I discovered The Sims Resource .. *bows head in a moment of reverent silence* .. a place where I could now download extra content and recolors for my games. Wait .. what ?!? .. we can DO this ?? O_O

New hairstyles and colors .. clothing and furniture .. wall covers and floors .. everything I could want .. and plenty I had never even thought of O_o .. in a rainbow of colors .. and unique custom made designs .. was mine .. aaaalllll mine .... and my various GameData folders grew to many megs in size .. never had my Sims lived in such luxurious digs .. and looked so fine. :D

On top of that .. I began experimenting with my own recolors of clothing and items .. and my GameData folders grew ever larger .. till it was hundreds of megs in size.

All the while I was keeping a careful watch out for all screenies and previews that I could find in anticipation of The Sims 2 release.

Then .. at loooong last .. The Sims 2 was released later in 2004 .. and .. naturally .. that was instantly installed to my computer .. as have been the ALL of the subsequent content packs and expansions .. up to and including the most recent .. and final XP .. of The Sims 2 series .. Free Time.

Over these 8 years .. I have joined countless content sites .. and at a few .. such as The Sims Resource .. I have full paid accounts .. as that is the ONLY way to get to the massive content on those sites :D .. and my Downloads folders into which I load my custom content is now 4 Gigs in size .. yes .. you read that right .. 4 Gigs .. and my game takes in the neighborhood of 20 .. ish .. minutes to even load now. O_O

I have re-textured many items myself .. hundreds of clothing items .. and created oodles of paintings and other items that have all been added to my Downloads folder .. and created many many houses and other buildings. And let's not forget the handful of CD's I have containing the downloaded content that I've saved .. and NEVER installed .. 'cuz .. well .. you know .. I just "might" want some of those things one day .. maybe .. O_o

They've announced the creation of The Sims 3 .. due out "sometime" in 2009 !!! I'm nearly giddy with anticipation .. combing various sites for any scrap of info .. a screenie .. anything .. and .. already I'm thinking it *may* be time for a new compy to accommodate all 3 .. yeah I know .. but .. I STILL play the first one :D .. and can't see me giving up the second one either once the new one comes out as I often invest HOURS of rabid play into that li'l experience. With that in mind .. I've begun to suspect that there "may" be the ever-so-slight "possibility" that I'm "too" into the Sims .. so I've come here for help .. just to find out .. if maybe .. possibly .. I might kinda be .. okay .. fine .. I AM !! O_o

So .. I say again .. hello .. my name is Sherry .. and Thank God .. erm .. I mean .. God help me .. I AM a Sims addict .. :D

This Thing Called Trust

After what's gone on the past week .. and reading those posting who are dealing with their anger and betrayal .. their loss of trust .. I've spent the past couple of days pondering this thing called trust that we give to another .. and the effect it might have on those in the community .. affected by this the most deeply .. in their future online dealings.

Trust is one of the strongest most enduring gifts we offer each other. It gives us faith to believe in another .. even blindly .. when all is stacked against them .. because we believe in that person we have come to know.

Yet .. as deep as that trust can be .. as strongly as it can endure .. in the space of a tiny moment .. one careless .. thoughtless act .. can shatter it completely .. causing reverberations into areas of our lives that have had no connection to the initial betrayal and changing forever the way we deal with others.

For me .. I do not trust easily .. at least not that level of trust that is a deep and abiding faith that this other person will never hurt or betray me .. that not only can I bare my soul .. but that I confidently know that those deepest secrets will always be safe .. that they will always treat me with love and affection .. ever happy to spend time with me .. or help me if needed .. offer a shoulder to lean on in times of trial .. or to simply let me be who I am .. even if they don't always "get" me .. or even agree. Basically .. not offering all that I have in me to offer .. not initially anyway. :)

I offer trust in .. hmmm .. layers .. I guess is as good a term as any for it .. and unless HUGE alarm bells go off when I first meet someone .. I think most everyone is offered a free pass .. a certain "entry-level" of trust that opens the door to allow me to get to know them .. and to let them get to know me.

I am friendly to most people .. it's just my wiring .. I really LIKE people .. chatting with them as I get to know them .. sharing bits of my life with them. Sort of mini offerings that test the boundaries of each other .. tiny steps made into a darkness that either land on ever more solid ground .. or .. finding nothing of substance to support ever going past this intial phase of "friendliness". And that's just an assessment I personally make I guess .. almost an unconscious thing really .. and .. mostly anyway .. protects me from letting in those that would only hurt me later .. though .. some of the most damaging attacks can come from those that I never let in close anyway. :\

As people get filtered through those rings around me .. working their way ever closer .. most remain at various levels away from me .. with only a very few ever reaching that place where I trust completely. Even then .. that is still NO guarantee that misunderstandings won't develope .. disruptive personalities arrive to cause problems .. or .. as can so often happen .. we just drift apart .. which even then doesn't necessarily diminish that trust I have in the person that they are.

Cases in point on that ..

First .. I was friends with DS .. DarkSabre .. a while back .. and even though he did some things that betrayed that trust I had in him .. and he did redeem himself somewhat in his public post where he apologized but then STILL went off and dissed me .. I STILL believed in that young man that I had been friends with. Despite it all .. I KNEW that there was a good and decent young man in there .. that was no fake I had dealt with .. and his actions confounded me .. as much as they hurt me. I don't think that most people know that he and I still talk .. and I do consider myself to be a friend to him. I ran into him one of my first days in Uru Live .. of all the people to meet up with .. lol .. and we chatted and I gave him my GW name. We have run a few missions .. I even met his wife, which was nice.. and .. we had a few really good, candid talks .. held nothing back .. about all that had gone on on both sides .. cleared the air .. and we still continue to chat ingame. The big question of course is .. Do I trust him ?? .. I dunno .. despite the candor when we spoke, certainly not like before I don't think .. BUT .. easily forgiven without hesitation and I sincerely wish him NOTHING but the best. He's been through a lot .. made his own "unwise" choices with people online .. and paid the price for them. He deserves a break .. some peace AND some happiness .. and I find myself 4-square in his corner rooting for him. I did tell him that .. despite it all .. I have always believed in that funny, decent young man that always spoke so lovingly of his family .. sent me such great pictures of everyone .. and that I thought so much of because of that .. even when he made it REALLY hard to. He just laughed and said "thanks" .. then he told me that I was a really good person .. and to find happiness .. no matter what it took to find it .. because I deserved it. See ?? I knew he was a good guy in there. LOL

Second .. I have been friends with another for several years .. he even called me "Sis" for a while .. telling me that where he comes from .. family is really important .. and for him to call me that bespoke of how really important I was in his life. We spoke nearly every day .. always fresh and fun .. browsed forums together .. and he always had a talent for finding something new and silly to laugh about .. a gift for turning any moment into one of hilarity .. and offered each a safe place to talk about how we felt about things .. a place of unconditional support. I can say that I absolutely trusted him completely .. felt completely safe in allowing him into that rare space so close to me .. believing in him and offering him that most loyal of friendships in return. Then one day .. he just stopped. No reason .. no explanation .. nothing. He pretty much dropped out of sight all over the place .. but is still around as MC runs into him in GW from time to time and he chats with her on occasion. I've spent so much time trying to figure out if I did something .. anything .. and what it was .. I don't know even yet what happened .. I have run into him myself a few times in GW .. and he's always nice to chat with .. yet .. I always feel that something unsaid is left there between us .. probably just my needing to know what happened .. and not ever knowing. He even knows that I do have trust issues .. especially with online friendships .. so it is all the more upsetting that he of all people would just disappear on me .. at least without something of an explanation. Certainly my faith in him is thoroughly shaken .. not to mention my already shakey faith in myself to make good assessments of people online .. and I have been hurt by the actions he has taken .. yet .. with him also .. I KNOW I was/am right about the person that he was/is .. and for reasons that make NO rational sense .. I continue to believe in him .. and in our friendship. But .. if .. suddenly he were to start dropping by to chat again like he did before .. Would I still trust him as I had before ? .. again .. I dunno .. but I don't think so. Although I would be delighted to have him around again .. enjoy that wonderfully warm friendship .. my trust would not be as it once was .. though .. in time .. and with consistency and with an honest airing out about it all .. he might find his way back to that closer space he once had .. or nearly. ( and NO .. it's NOT tolip .. :P .. lol .. we're still good buddies .. :D )

Lastly .. I actually made a HUGE adjustment in how I let people near me after that ugliness in UU .. and I have been EXTREMELY careful since that crap with ANYONE I meet. Carefully having avoided letting ANYONE get past those outer levels since that time .. I'm always friendly .. yet always .. I keep people at arms length .. even when I have wanted to get to know someone better .. I just would not let myself take that chance. Yet despite that .. and even in the midst of the loss and confusion of that second friendship .. I have STILL been blessed with a new .. stronger friendship that has passed through all the layers .. and is someone I trust as I have few others and will fiercely protect as is my way. Initially though .. I was strictly avoiding new interactions beyond a friendly "afternoon everyone" in Alliance Chat. He just came busting on through anyway .. seeking me out .. just consistently being the really nice person he is .. and chipping away at my carefully placed defenses eventually I told him everything .. explained why I preferred to keep my distance .. and STILL he persisted .. said that that showed what a genuinely nice person I really was and made me even MORE worth knowing .. he made it awfully hard to do anything but give it a chance .. but it has been well worth it .. and I am very happy that I did. :D

Which brings me back to the actions of Ravin .. and his ultimate act of cruelly punishing all those who cared so much about him by faking his own death to get back at 1 or 2 who he felt "may" have turned on him. It was carefully planned .. if poorly executed .. over the space of at least a few days when he started setting things up by confiding in Preacher well before he made his post on Slackers about leaving. At any time he could have re-thought .. stopped the process .. yet chose to proceed full bore anyway .. so it wasn't a spur of the moment thing that was done before he had time for second thoughts. We're talking at least several days .. even a few feeble attempts at covering his online footprints .. to me .. this was clearly a pre-meditated act .. to make someone sorry for what they had done.

Keep in mind that I didn't know him except for his posts .. I think I met him once in the city on D'mala after he had finally gotten allowed onto the shard .. and said it was nice to see he had gotten in .. so my feelings are not nearly as involved as some of those on Slackers .. but I am sure there are those who would forgive all and move on .. just as there are those who would NEVER give him the chance to hurt them again.

Being who I am .. the way I am .. I wonder .. given the enormity of the actions taken by Ravin .. against those who had offered such unconditional friendship to him .. would I be able to forgive that? .. and offer such trust again should he decide to come back and make amends. I've thought long and hard about that .. and in the end I would have to say probably not. Though I might have to tolerate him in a public space such as the forum .. if he chose to pick up where he left off there .. I would probably no longer respond to him .. and would probably avoid him if I could .. I also wouldn't be mean to him either .. he'd just go to the level away from me reserved for those who are NEVER allowed to be close to me .. EVER.

I've seen no mention of anyone hearing from him .. so if anyone has they've kept it to themselves .. but I have a feeling that he isn't gone .. not completely .. as he was pretty attached to the Uru/Myst community. And even though he jumped the gun on re-entering the community as "Underhill" .. I have little doubt that even if he doesn't come back as Ravin .. he WILL definately create a new avvie to participate in the forums again. Posing the question .. Will he try to establish new friendships and ties with those he betrayed .. winning their trust anew .. and .. in effect .. perpetrating yet one more betrayal against them ?

I wish everyone the best .. and hope they all are able to move past it sooner rather than later .. but .. I do believe that each is going be changed in some way by the betrayal of trust .. it will just be a matter of degrees .. and that is the most unfortunate part of this entire thing. :\

Same Song .. New Singer ...

Wow .. I re-read my last post .. hmm ... could be something to that menopause thing there .. O_o .. LOL

Shades of Starfyre .. we've had another "death" in the Uru community !! O_O

I hadn't been keeping up with the forums since I was so cross after that last post that I just stayed away and even have removed my MO:UL from my compy .. freeing up 4 gigs in the process no less. :D I've decided that I no longer care about the whole thing thanks to the way things have been done .. by all parties involved .. and by the behaviors of the few that seem to dominate the forums. I'm done .. I don't care if they light every corner of the cavern .. open every door and area .. and bring on the dancin' squee review .. I'm happy about that choice. :)

My friend tolip pointed me to a thread on COBBS and one on Slackers where Ravin posted that he was going to be gone for a bit .. setting the stage so to speak .. and asked me what I thought. I told him that .. in my opinion .. the three posts on Slackers .. "Ravin's" .. "Ravin's sister's" .. and the new guy posting that ever-so-sad song in remembrance of a guy he didn't even know, "Underhill" .. appeared to all be made by the same person. I based that conclusion on the layout of the posts .. such as using small paragraphs to present each thought .. and the same grammatical habits of missing capital letters at the start of sentences .. forgetting periods at the ends .. and using dots to trail off the end of other sentences. Just seemed like the same person to me. Not to mention .. if you do a timeline of what he posted and when .. once I read the other Slackers thread in the Steam Room .. it all fits nicely together.

So I did a little Google search with the various names Ravin said he used .. in a post on MOUL .. and found the Seti profile page for "Underhill" in the link that was listed as for "Ravin Dracon" .. and you cannot imagine my surprise when I clicked the link for the one and the other name showed up. O_O I pulled up the original page from the Cache link .. and voila .. matching UserID #'s.

I passed it all on to my friend and it all came to a head when my friend posted that data on the MOUL forums .. quickly to be removed .. but still seen by enough to get them alerted. lolol

Seems several forums and people already suspected as tolip did that things weren't right. He'd even posted on COBBS "opus out?" .. cuz he said something stunk about it.

Makes me laugh that these others were now posting they suspected but were holding out until they were sure. Oh .. please .. it appears more to me that they were saying nothing in the hope it would blow over and nothing would need to be said UNLESS something public was said. But then again .. that is JUST my opinion on that .. because I find it hard to accept that NO one else besides me found that Seti link .. in a search that took me all of 2 minutes !! O_o

I ventured into the Steam Room to have a peak .. see what was going on there as I hadn't been there in a little while. If you all knew how hard it was for me to access Slacker's forum you'd appreciate what that means. Seems since we got highspeed .. there is a routing issue between them and us .. and it takes a LONG time to load anything on that site .. honestly .. by the time I get logged in .. make it to any forum .. and view even ONE thread of a few pages .. it can take me an hour !! Seriously !! O_O

Gnarly Disclaimer: Please keep in mind that what follows is MY general feeling on what happened .. nothing more or less. :)

I don't quite get why people feel the need to pull such stunts .. why not .. if you're unhappy .. feeling betrayed .. whatever .. just leave .. no long rambling opus .. no dramatic death scene .. just .. GO. Here is a great humorous sendup that tolip found on YouTube about this sort of thing .. and both the Starfyre and Ravin incidents are CLASSIC examples of this !! LOL :D

Anyway .. after reading the thread in the Steam Room about BAD giving the AdminKI code to Ravin .. which had been discussed on COBBS with another there expressing their displeasure .. and seeing how truly upset Tomala was about that .. how she expressed that to BAD .. I think I might be able to surmise why Ravin did what he did.

Slackers was a safe Haven for him. No matter what he did .. what upset him .. what (occasional) hystrionic fit he pitched .. they ALWAYS reached out to him .. protected him .. comforted him .. and also provided him a supportive space to be who he was sharing his spiritual beliefs .. as any REAL friends would do. I suppose he just got used to unconditional support for his actions .. regardless of what those actions might be. With Tomala being so vehemently against BAD giving him that code (and with good solid reasons .. I just want to add) and expressing it so concisely .. I'm sure he took that very personally. And .. I would suspect that .. in his hurt and angry place he chose to strike back and inflict hurt on her .. them .. for that perceived betrayal. Maybe feeling that even she/they would never let him be free of whatever hacking he did YEARS ago .. when most of us had NO idea he even ever did anything .. and really .. most at this point would care less. He even went to the trouble of "confiding" info to another member/friend .. I suppose to use him to support his plan. I'd be curious to know when .. in the series of events .. he did that .. talked to the guy. It'd show when he started things rolling in the timeline of the other stuff going on .. show when he crossed the line in deciding to go forward with it .. maybe even show what that defining moment was that pushed him over the line.

It is a shame he chose to do that .. because I do think that he has hurt the very people that DID give him the truest offering of friendship .. so to do that to that little group .. good lord .. what was he thinking? I feel kinda bad for Tomala on Slacker's .. although I don't always feel comfortable with how things are handled as they do have their own way of doing things ;) .. I DO genuinely like HER. She's a nice young woman .. funny and intelligent .. and quite capable of standing her ground when she needs to .. but also with a very sweet side that I am sure is feeling all sorts of things about this that aren't very good. Hang in there {{{{Sweetie}}}} .. you did nothing wrong. :)

I'm sure this will all blow over .. as these things do .. and if he chooses to make his apologies .. if not his explanations .. for the whyfor's of it all .. they'll forgive him .. or most of them will .. and support him there .. because he really does have friends there.

As for me .. I'm crawling back away from the forums again. After attempting to read a couple of threads that devolved into a few of the usual troll-like regulars on MOUL taking potshots at each other .. yet again .. I've decided that I am right .. I'm happier away from them .. MUCH happier .. ;)

We're Finding A Way ... Making A Home ... Whether *They* Like It Or Not

In perusing the MOUL forum yesterday I noticed a post by someone I remember from Until Uru. She was nice enough .. if a bit odd .. and I mostly avoided her having been somewhat scalded by someone similar who was involved with UU.

I felt it was kind of a rude post .. as were several of her subsequent posts pouncing on people who were trying to explain what others were doing in trying to help people get organized and comfortable in a new world BEFORE the last Uru day .. putting down those people who are choosing to find other online games in which to stay and play together in now that MOUL is shutting down .. dragging out a few of the usual faithful to further shame anyone who glances sidelong at any non-Cyan kissed game. I just cannot imagine what gives ANYONE the right to run their mouth like that about how others choose to spend their online time.

Maybe it's my menopause putting me in defiant frame of mind .. my patience with this crap isn't what it once was .. but ......

There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with playing in other games .. whatever the game of your choosing is. I have made wonderful friends because of my involvement with Uru .. but my friendships don't thrive ONLY because of the connection to Uru .. don't exist ONLY in the Uru environment. I'll be damned if I'm going to sit helplessly by letting my dear friendships go down with the Good Ship Uru without finding ways to maintain them in a realtime .. avvie driven .. environment such as I've .. we've all .. gotten used to in Uru. Those handful posting in that thread .. attempting to shame those who are 'finding a way .. making a home' so that they can continue to enjoy those relationships .. well .. that's just selfish .. blind .. oh heck .. let's just call it what it is .. Cyan asskissing at it's finest. LOL :D

It all just makes me so cross .. how dare they tell any of us where we should be online .. and then further insult us by overtly suggesting that we are somehow sinning against Cyan by daring to try and organize things BEFORE the plug gets pulled. How much of a 'slap in the face' it is to Cyan .. or that those threads have no place on those forums .. or how if they had any say the threads wouldn't be allowed .. or would be at the least moved .. and on .. and on.

To those of you who keep saying those things .. if YOU want to languish on a dying forum of a dead-again game .. please do so .. I certainly would never entertain the idea of trying to stop you .. or encourage you to try something that might be fun .. AND give you the added bonus of standing in a chat circle .. or sitting around a fire .. or exploring a new area that someone has created .. WITH the same people you have come to enjoy spending time with .. in a virtual avvie.

I email my friends .. I chat in Yahoo with them .. I voice chat with them .. but you know .. there is just a little more sense of 'physically' sharing the same space with them when driving an avvie and DOING things together. I don't know why that is .. for me .. it .. just .. is .. and I make NO apologies for that and certainly not to the bunch of you that seems to be so deeply entrenched in the Cyan/Uru .. um .. hinderend .. that you can't see anything else. :)

With regards to the idiotic statements that it's blatant 'advertising' of other games .. it is IN FACT .. Uruites at their FINEST organizing their friends and fellow players and helping others get ready for WHEN the plug gets pulled .. WHILE everyone is still in one place and NOT drifted away afterwards .. AS HAPPENED THE FIRST TIME Uru got 'put to bed'.

I greatly enjoy playing in There Online .. (gosh I hope that OP's head explodes mentioning it here) .. and I have had just THE best time playing Guild Wars the past year .. and you know .. I play mostly with people I know .. have known for YEARS .. from Uru. And you know why I play with them? Because I like them .. a lot .. they're good people .. and some are even dear friends .. and we enjoy doing things together online. Not just standing around a fountain chatting .. waiting for the next tidbit of .. of .. anything .. to be handed to us in Uru .. but .. to actually BE doing stuff together .. things we have fun doing TOGETHER .. regardless of where that place to be together is. Sometimes it's just chatting .. sometimes it's hoverboarding over newly opened islands in There .. exploring every square inch .. delighting in each new find .. or creating beautiful gardens or lots .. OR .. yes in GW it's chatting animatedly in alliance or guild chat .. or .. actually doing missions together and *gasp* killing virtual critters .. or having a dance party in a guild hall .. or .. something that just puts us all in the same space together to look into our smiling virtual faces and feel that feeling you get when you have your favorite people over for an evening of happy chatter and warm friendship.

You aren't going to shame me .. nor anyone that I know .. into forsaking those friendships .. sharing virtual adventures .. in familiar environments .. just to please YOUR overblown sense of loyalty to Cyan. Also .. just for the record .. I don't care if they hand us yet another 'Until' Uru .. or reasonable facsimile in all it's static glory .. I'll still be with my Uru friends no matter where I choose to go online .. be it the Uru ages I love .. There Online .. Guild Wars .. or anyplace else I choose to visit .. and play with the people that have become so dear to me .. and that's a comfort I enjoy.

If you cannot bring yourself to be anywhere else then Uru .. then I feel sorry for YOU .. but I'm sure you will live a full and happy life offline .. keeping a forum alive with occasional posts .. and forever waiting for the sunken Uru to rise .. yet again. Truly the best of luck to you. :)

As for me .. I'm now off to visit with my friends in There Online .. tend to my garden island .. and see who new might have found their way to the beautiful Shorah hoods .. before making my way into Guild Wars to chat with the lovely Uru people who are in my guild/alliance .. maybe do a mission or few .. and probably do it all while voice chatting with a favorite friend of mine that .. thankfully .. has NEVER had anything to do with ANYTHING Myst/Uru/Cyan related .. bless his heart. ;)