So yeah .... we went to the UK .... :D .. Part 1

I know .. it's been MONTHS .. but .. I'm doing better. It's amazing what a bout with "nervous exhaustion" will do for a person. O_o

There are a whole host of reasons that brought me to that point .. but I'm handling them better .. have reorganized my thinking and feeling about them .. and hopefully .. am on the permanent upswing from there back to my usual self. ;)

On April 28th MC and I headed to Halifax for a night flight to Scotland via Heathrow .. it was her first flight and she was SO nervous. We had a great time just waiting for boarding .. airport staff in Halifax are amazingly friendly and helpful .. and we chatted our way through security and beyoooonnnd.

After a 2 hour wait in the lounge by our gate we finally boarded our flight and got comfy in our seats .. at the back .. the VERY back no less ahaha .. and waited for take off. At 11:45PM .. as we taxied out along the runway MC says "Oh my God .. we're taking off" .. to which I responded .. "not yet darlin' .. it's only getting warmed up .. you'll know when it's taking off" .. and got a somewhat alarmed look in response. :D

When the mighty roar .. followed by that great rush happened .. I reached over and gently squeezed her hand and told her it would be fine .. she clung to my hand so tightly and I told her to look out the window as the receding view of Halifax Harbor .. outlined by the string of lights around it .. was something really beautiful to see. She loved it .. it is the last view I recall on my first flight to England when I was 17 .. and I still remember how perfect it looked.

Sleep was outta the question for us .. we chatted with the staff onboard that serviced our side of the plane .. they get EXTRA brownie points for being shocked that MC and I were NOT sisters but mother and daughter :D .. and with a few people near us .. watched a movie .. and tried to follow our flights progress on the monitor for that in the screen on the seat back but .. WE got the ONLY 2 on the entire plane that didn't work .. always showing us at 60 feet and still in Halifax. LOLOL

Sunrise came as a great wash of reddish light into the plane and MC thought it was beautiful .. not long afterward .. land .. we finally were over England!! She began taking pictures and as we began to descend and circle over London she let this excited cry out of her .. "there's the Eye!!" .. and there it was .. the London Eye .. how she spotted it amongst all that is London I'll never know but she did. lol

When we finally rolled up to the gate and left the plane .. the staff we'd been chatting with had 'specially mentioned to the captain that this was MC's first flight ever .. and he took the time to watch for her and ask her how she had liked it and thank her for being along with him as we left. Kinda' a nice thing to do I think. :)

Heathrow is one of the most massive .. confusing .. good lord pack-a-lunch-and -take-a-tent sorta places that you NEED a lot of time between flights just to get where you need to .. we had 5 and a half hours and used 3 just traversing from point of arrival to next departure point. O_O

We arrived at Terminal 3 .. walked miles of tunnels and pathways .. took a bus to another one .. walked through security and customs .. walked another 10 miles .. with a couple of stops for me to rest as .. ya' know .. the old knees aren't what they once were and they tote a heavy load at this point ;) .. and FINALLY arrived at the correct gate in Terminal 1 to catch our flight to Aberdeen. And I have to say .. the staff in London were outstanding in their friendliness and helpfulness as we made our way through that confusing area to get to Terminal 1. :)

I hadn't slept all night .. make up was LONG gone .. eyes red .. contacts killin' me .. exhausted and bedraggled .. I musta been a sight to behold straggling through that entire area .. hahahaha !! .. and when I arrived at the BMI area .. to be honest .. I didn't think I had it in me to make it till flight time. But .. with her nose keen for finding hot coffee .. there .. in our gate area .. was a place called Costa's .. and .. with 2 large cups of tea in me .. a meal of their toasted Ham & Cheese Panini .. and a few of their Raspberry & Almond Bake squares .. and I was able to keep lively the next 2 and a half hours for our flight to Aberdeen. :D Tim Horton's has got NUTHIN' on Costa's .. :)~~~~

Finally we're on our way to Aberdeen .. a MUCH smaller jet .. rattlin' along .. MC .. gazing out through the clouds and videoing our climb through them with such awe .. she reaches over and grabs my hand .. softly says "thank you for this .. " and gives me a teary smile .. "I love flying". I love her .. and am glad we are traveling together on this adventure. :)

We arrive in Aberdeen .. exhausted .. make our way to our luggage that someone has pulled off the belt .. and we wait for my oldest to find us. She is frazzled .. running late .. and grumpy .. lol .. she hugs me .. says "hi" and walks away before her sister can hug her .. "oh great" I think .. and loads us bag and baggage into her Amazon to take us to her house. I get to see 3 of my grandchildren for the very first time and my sweet Megs that I haven't seen since she was 2. I haven't words .. of any kind to adequately describe how that felt .. those dear little ones .. with such sweet faces .. I want them to know who "Gram in Canada" is .. to feel that I love them .. and to hopefully always know that even when I'm here so far away.

I visited as long as I could last .. MC and her sister went driving and shopping for a bit .. I went to bed .. truly exhausted .. glad that I had pushed through to 9PM their time .. the better to get my time swung around to UK time .. and to be rested and ready to DO things and GO places and take in as much as I could .. absorb the essence as much as the memories .. who knows how long that'll have to last me before I am there again.

We had 6 weeks ahead of us .. things planned .. and unplanned .. to do .. being rested was the first order for me. :)

Real Wishes ... Yeah .. I went there -.-

Holy crap .. the things a person does when they're feelin' crappy .... O_o

Consider that link GONE .. yet the post name remains as a reminder to myself to just say 'NO' when in a down moment. :D


I'll make a REAL post soon .. as I'm doing much better .. :)

Why Women Cry

A little boy asked his mother, 'Why are you crying?'

'Because I'm a woman,' she told him.

'I don't understand,' he said.

His Mom just hugged him and said, 'And you never will.'


Later the little boy asked his father,

'Why does mother seem to cry for no reason?'

'All women cry for no reason,' was all his dad could say.


The little boy grew up and became a man,

still wondering why women cry.

Finally he put in a call to God.

When God answered, he asked,

'God, why do women cry so easily?'

God said:

'When I made the woman she had to be special.

I made her shoulders strong enough
to carry the weight of the world,
yet gentle enough to give comfort.

I gave her an inner strength
to endure childbirth
and the rejection
that many times comes from her children.

I gave her a hardness
that allows her to keep going
when everyone else gives up,
and take care of her family
through sickness and fatigue without complaining.

I gave her the sensitivity to love her children
under any and all circumstances,
even when her child has hurt her very badly.

I gave her strength to carry her husband through his faults
and fashioned her from his rib to protect his heart.

I gave her wisdom to know
that a good husband never hurts his wife,
but sometimes tests her strengths
and her resolve to stand beside him unfalteringly.

And finally, I gave her a tear to shed.
This is hers exclusively to use whenever it is needed.'

'You see my son,' said God,

'the beauty of a woman is not
in the clothes she wears,
the figure that she carries,
or the way she combs her hair.

The beauty of a woman must be seen in her eyes,
because that is the doorway to her heart
- the place where love resides.'



~~ My sister sent me this .. truly only another woman can understand. ~~

An Empty Space In My Heart

I've been really good friends with someone the best part of 2 years now .. just one of the dearest people you could ever be blessed to find.

About a year ago .. something actually quite good happened for them .. yet it seemed to unsettle them greatly .. as if in doing for themselves they had somehow done something wrong .. as if they didn't deserve it .. they were wracked with guilt .. even though they did do for others with some of the good fortune .. still .. they felt terrible for having done for themselves.

They seemed to distance themselves a bit from me for a time .. and though that straightened itself out .. they began distancing themselves from a number of other things that gave them pleasure .. and I tried to encourage them to keep having fun in the places they always had .. doing for themselves as they so richly deserved to be happy.

About 3 months ago things began to come to some sort of critical mass .. they were an emotional wreck .. prone to feeling depressed .. anxious about how their life seemed to turn the opposite of what they wanted .. and it was a sad anniversary which I am sure compounded these ever growing feelings of dejection and unworthiness .. and even their family became worried enough to keep them surrounded and occupied .. not left alone.

They came around less and less ... and I became more and more concerned .. Christmas seemed to cheer them somewhat .. we had some lovely visits during that time .. but .. into the new year .. and the slide became an avalanche into depression and self loathing .. cutting themselves off from nearly everyone but family .. yet feeling abandoned by even them.

Compounding everything is the fact that they've gained a LOT of weight in a relatively short period of time .. to the point that they confessed that they feel very ashamed .. and it seems that the nicer and more understanding I've been about it all .. the more in the opposite direction from me they've gone .. I figure a case of THEY don't feel worthy .. even feel they are a "bad" person .. and the more I try to let 'em know that they ARE worthy .. the more they resist because they genuinely don't think that they deserve it. They're looking for what validates the negative .. they want no part of anything that says they are good. :\

It has culminated in a break down of some sort .. I had sent an email asking about what was happening with them .. their behaviors have been so erratic .. they responded very nicely .. but it seemed to be the straw that broke the camels back .. and now they are home and medicated and seeing a professional to talk to .. thank God .. after having spent a few days "away".

As hard as it has been to accept .. they are NOT the same person I have known previous to this period of time. And it breaks my heart in more ways than I can ever share.

Thing is .. I KNOW this person so very well at this point .. they ARE a good and decent human being .. kind and caring .. compassionate and loving .. and so much more of a softy then they prefer people to know. And ... despite it all .. I love them dearly .. and believe in the good person that I know them to be .. and I keep a constant prayer in my heart for them to become again .. healthy .. and happy ... and whole .. as they so richly deserve .. if only .. if ONLY they could fully realize that in their own heart.

That THEY have value .. are valuable .. and deserve to be at the front of the line for all the goodness handed out in the world .. that they are just as important as those they put first all the time.

I miss my friend terribly .. I worry about them constantly .. and have them always in my thoughts .. and .. I know that once they start to become well again .. get back to right thinking .. they are gonna feel like crap for some of the stuff they've done. :\

My health has suffered greatly because of this stress too.

Yet .. despite it all .. I believe in and have faith in them .. with my whole heart .. I believe in them. I believe in their goodness .. I believe in their decency .. I believe in their kindness .. I believe in their humor .. I believe in their patience .. and especially I believe in their capacity for love and affection. I believe in them .. have faith in them .. and the wonderful person that I know they are.

So now .. I have let them go .. as I must .. to do whatever they must to become whole again .. and pray they one day find their way back to me .. and the lovely space we have shared .. because .. the light is always on .. my door is forever open .. for them.

Tryin' Something New

I have been particularly stressed as of late .. and I mean REALLY stressed .. uncharacteristically so for me I can assure you. I'm not sleeping .. except when exhaustion gives me no choice .. and then it's not restful sleep. My gut is in knots nearly all of the time .. I weep on and off throughout the day .. sometimes so anguished it scares me .. and I'm even off eating .. something quite unusual for me .. and maybe not entirely a bad thing. O_o

I seem so utterly focused on what I do NOT want .. and how distressing that is .. that I seem to get experiences of more of it .. because that's what I'm focusing on .. and the more I focus on it .. the more I'm experiencing it .. and the more I experience it .. the more I focus on it ......... and on goes the vicious cycle.

Though not going into any details as to what's going on .. let's just say the stress reaction is a repeat of a pattern I've fought with most of my life. :\

I have practiced EFT for a couple of years now .. I've found it quite helpful with a number of things .. but though it's helped to alleviate this current stuff somewhat for periods of time .. I haven't been able to clear it all and for good .. and that's only adding to my frustration .. and stress.

By some weird bit of coincidence .. while cruising around looking for more EFT info and sessions to help me find ways to relieve stress and perhaps break my pattern of focusing on that stress .. I came upon some info about a different method .. followed a link to get the sample first disk .. and had a go at it. I mean .. why not .. at that point what had I to lose .. sleep? O_o

That little sample actually helped.

Now .. I'm not gonna say it has made everything rainbows and butterflies for me .. but .. I AM sleeping a bit better the past week .. and can clear the knots for periods of time .. before something pulls my attention back to the "issues". But .. I'm not even half way through the disks .. there's a lot of them O_O .. so we'll see how it progresses as I continue with them.

Seeing as it's an obscene amount of money for the darned thing .. and quite simply I can't afford anything extra that costs *that* kinda money ( and before you mention my purse .. discount clearance centre for 20 bucks ) at the moment what with my husband's company feelin' the economic pinch and passing it on to the employees with cut hours, etc., .. I searched btjunkie ( hush now .. ;) ) and got a couple of bittorents and downloaded the basic method set and the advanced method set .. and have been working my way slowly through the basic set .. finishing disk 6 earlier today.

I plan on finishing both sets then picking and choosing the sessions that may require more attention.

It's called The Sedona Method .. and I quite like the way it's presented and the clearing out and releasing of old patterns of emotion that it is aimed at helping release .. so I'm willing to give it the time and attention to give it a fair shot.

I thought I'd pass this along to anyone who might be interested. Can't hurt .. may even help. :)

This is the search I used for it .. and the 3 torrent files I got were named .. The Sedona Method Course .. Hale Dwoskin - 4-in1 Supercourse! The Sedona Method Workbook .. and Hale Dwoskin - Sedona Method Advanced. ( I use this client btw.)

So far .. I'm pleased .. and it IS helping .. actually sleeping a bit more is helping in and of itself .. now IF I can just eliminate that effing knot that keeps coming back to overwhelm me .. AND truly turn my attention to positive things .. actually become RELAXED most of the time .. THEN I'll know it's REALLY working as intended. :\

Finally .. At Last .. Sorta ..... ;)

It's taken a while .. but I finally decided on a nice new purse. It STILL isn't as long a strap as I would want .. BUT .. it IS a nice enough one that it passes muster and will be carrying my assorted junk to Scotland in May .. and keeping me happy for a good long while .. mostly .. ;)

*goes off muttering about the strap needing to be juuuust a wee bit longer* ;)

Happy Canthan New Year !!

It's that time of year again .. the Canthan New Year 2009 celebration is upon us. During the weekend of Friday January 30th to Monday February 2nd .. it's time to gather the bits for the grand feast .. and hope we please the celestial beast .. which this year is the Ox.

Though the 3 major cities of each continent are decorated .. ONLY Shing Jea Monastery is the site of the festivities. From running a series of quests from Shing Jea ( there is though, 1 outside Kamadan and one in LA ) .. to cashing in Lunar Tokens for goodies .. to standing on the rings to up your lucky and unlucky title points .. to pleasing the celestial Ox and receiving the bounty of his blessings .. it's off to have fun for the best part of 4 days .. and spend ridiculous amounts of ingame cash towards those titles. :D

Lion's Arch


Kamadan


Shing Jea


"Me" with my new baby mini-pet Celestial Ox ;)


MC and I had our usual great time .. spent our time doing quests on a slew of avvies .. so got a ton of Lunar Tokens .. and we each got multiples of the Celestial Ox mini-pet to share .. and also put in our hours standing on the rings for title gain .. and muckin' about with ShadowCats and Rex Havoc. :D