Some Peoples Kids

It's been a while now .. I think I was just waiting until I was satisfied that she was through the worst of it all .. and feeling more whole again.

My best friend went away to live with the man she's waited for for many, many years. And now she's back .. to stay.

It seems that this fella's ADULT children .. at least a couple of them .. decided they didn't like her in their fathers life .. and have seen to it that she won't be living there .. with *their* father .. any longer.

In fairness .. 2 of them were very warm and welcoming of her and treated her well .. and having been open to getting to know her .. discovered what a wonderful person she is. The other 2 however .. his son and his oldest daughter .. refused to give her a chance .. not even deigning to meet her.

The father .. was most supportive of my best friend .. of his relationship with her .. even in the face of that resistance .. adamantly assuring her of the importance of their relationship .. of her to him.

Until .. there was a funeral of a family member that all .. naturally .. showed up for. My best friend .. being who she is .. tried to approach the 2 and introduced herself to them. What ensued still leaves me shaking my head in the wonder at the selfishness of people .. and their need to have utter control over anothers life .. and the dramatic efforts they will stretch to in order to get things their way.

Upon offering her hand as she introduced herself .. the oldest daughter began to cry .. great wracking sobs .. loudly .. causing her father to immediately rush to where she was .. my friend standing there in a state of complete surprise at the outburst.

As soon as he arrived .. she got louder .. and began screaming at him .. in french .. rambling .. pointing at my best friend .. and shoving her dad.

Of course the other siblings joined in .. adding their own ravings .. punctuated by great wavings of arms and pointing at my friend.

The father giving as good as he got too .. by the way.

At one point .. in english he roared something to the effect of .."what do you expect of me .. to live alone the rest of my life?? Your mother has been dead for 18 years!!" Resulting in an even more violent outburst from that oldest daughter.

My friend .. stood a moment .. took in this over-the-top scene .. she said she was nearly emotionless .. just observing .. then headed to track down a box of Kleenex. Once found she returned .. and set it on a coffee table near them.

All hollering ceased .. they all looked at her .. politely said "thank you" .. then immediately resumed screaming at each other. O_o

She escaped to the kitchen and stood a long while looking out a window .. wondering .. for the first time .. what in the hell had she gotten herself into.

Eventually he decided he had had enough and with one final roar at his daughter .. came to collect my friend and be on their way.

They didn't speak of any of it until the following day .. him mostly to say he was glad it had been in french as some of the things said were more than a little derogatory .. and embarrassed him that any of his children would behave that way. He further offered that this older daughter NEVER bothered with him except when she was in need of money .. or something he had .. otherwise he never heard from her .. not even for his birthday or fathers day.

Now .. just so all are clear on this .. this man is in his early 60's ... his children are all either late 30's early 40's .. so NOT small "children" by ANY stretch of the imagination !!

Things were strained a bit between them .. I suppose he was struggling with the weight of the guilt laid on him by the oldest .. who was the one with the biggest hate on. She called me one morning while he was in church .. sounding strained and upset .. told me what had been happening. I tried to reassure her that as long as he was seeing it all for what it was .. not letting the daughter get to him .. to just hang in there and ride it out .. as the daughters reaction had not been unanticipated .. and told her to call me whenever she just needed to hear a caring voice .. or a safe place to vent.

The son .. to his credit .. actually showed up a couple of days later to tell my friend and his father that he .. the dad .. was correct .. that he had every right to live his life however he saw fit .. and with whoever he chose .. respectfully promising that he would not make an issue of it any further and politely apologizing to my friend for his behavior.

The daughter however .. not giving an inch. Even calling to tell her father that she would NOT tolerate an "englishwoman" living in her mothers house. You know .. the one that's been dead for 18 years. And who .. according to the father .. she had been on lousy terms with while she WAS alive. O_o

There was some discussion between them .. my friend and this man .. his growing distress of the situation becoming more evident .. so she suggested that perhaps she would return home for a bit to give him some time to think. And .. truth be told .. she needed to be near people that loved her .. would shelter her .. family and friends that cared for HER.

He drove her back here .. promising that he would sort it all out .. that if the house meant so much to his daughter he would simply give it to her .. he is a pretty well off fella .. they would go house hunting when she returned and that would remove that little issue.

After a few weeks home he stopped calling her .. not even responding to the few messages she left on his answering machine .. she told me that it was making her uneasy .. and I told her I didn't blame her on that either.

6 weeks later he sent her a note saying that .. although he was always gonna love her .. he had decided that perhaps it would be for the best if he ended their relationship. That the decision was his alone .. then added .. "well .. maybe Genevieve has helped". Somewhere along the line .. alone I suppose .. she finally beat him down and got things her way.

Thing is .. you can't even be truly angry at her .. despite her deplorable behavior .. because .. in the end .. it comes down to one thing .. HE let her make this decision for him by going along with .. what amounts to .. her throwing as wild a temper tantrum as it took to have things her own way. MY thinking is that she was just not wanting to chance losing her share of .. what will amount to .. a very generous inheritance .. but .. you didn't hear that from me. ;)

I don't know .. it must be the way I was raised .. the example my parents .. especially my father .. set for us .. but .. I understand fully that my parents are people first and deserve to live their lives in whatever way they see fit .. whether I "like" it or not. And it's completely the right thing for them to do.

We were .. are .. entitled to how we feel about it .. and to express that .. even if we are angry in the moment .. BUT .. don't count on it changing their decision. That is up to them .. and them alone .. and despite it all .. like it or not .. I have always respected that .. and would never have pulled what that "kid" did. I wouldn't have dared .. because my father would have put me roundly in my place .. no matter what my age .. uh .. HUH !! O_O

For a while she seemed so utterly sad .. in a way I had not known in her before .. and down on herself .. believing that she will always be alone .. as WHO else would .. could .. ever want a 58 year old "witch". I assured her that a few months around a small few who treated her badly would never change the wonderfully sweet caring woman she is .. that there will be someone else come along that will be quite taken with her sweetness and her vivaciousness that shines .. not to mention she's a very attractive lady too. Then I hugged her .. and she cried .. and I cried with her .. and thanked each other for always being there for the other.

My friend is doing much better now .. she kept busy working through the fall .. she managed a farm market and working 12 hour days, 7 days a week, lugging 50 pound bags of veggies around will take the fight out of anyone. We had a lovely fun lunch for my birthday .. and she was here for some support that I've needed as of late .. so time is doing what it's supposed to .. it just seems so terribly wrong that anyone could treat her .. of all people .. so callously .. and .. I'm meaning HIM .. because not only did he cave to the daughter .. he obviously lacks the spinal fortitude .. or the nads .. to speak directly to her in ending it .. hiding like a coward behind a note .. depriving her of a chance to say anything.

This whole thing really got me to thinking about my situation .. and I know for me .. thanks to some stern .. sometimes painful .. but right-on parenting examples from MY parents .. when it's my turn to go where my heart takes me .. I love you my dearest babies with all my heart .. but .. it's my turn to fly .. and with you wishing me well .. or not .. I'll be doing exactly that. ;)