Closure At Last :)

I went onto D'mala last night .. sort of a final farewell walk in the city. Despite it all .. I have a special fondness for the shards. Thanks to the indulgence of my dear friends tolip ydob and Ashtar .. both of whom I just love so much .. I was given the special privilege of helping to set up Private Idaho and The Great Tree shards .. by 'playing' guinea pig for them. Designate .. bestowed upon me by tolip .. CGP.001 .. and CGP.002 respectively. CGP = Cierdwyn Guinea Pig .. LOL

As well as playing guinea pig when they set up their regular UU shards .. thanks to them .. I got to be one of the first non-techie types to be able to visit both the H'uru projects and then Alcugs .. when just making it past your avvie set up screen and seeing the desert was a HUGE accomplishment.

I figured a final walk through the city .. then my ages .. alone .. closing things down .. then finally my relto .. again to shut things down would be fitting. I couldn't bring myself to do this on Great Tree for some reason .. I wanted my full on relto to go down with GT I guess .. intact .. a piece of me always to be there. :)

You cannot imagine my shock when EricL showed up. O_O Yet surprised though I was .. no sick feeling .. no butterflies .. no nervousness of any sort. I really HAVE come a long way in the last 2 years. :)

Someone there asked him if he knew when the shards would be cut off.

Sitting hunched at the top of the great stairs .. he seemed .. sad .. almost morose .. yet in a bitter kind of way .. about the closing of Until Uru. Even expressing that his final act in ANY capacity in Uru .. would be to shut them all down as soon as he was given the word to do so .. and that it would be the releasing of a 'burden' that Uru had become for him. I sort of wondered what that meant in terms of him looking after the age builders project .. but refrained from asking. He said that he would then be going back to the job he had at Turner et al .. and he would be glad to be there.

I decided to offer him an olive branch .. maybe some peace for us both in the ugliness that had sprung between us .. fed through the words of another. So I told him that I wanted him to know that I was in a good space now .. better then I had ever been .. about all that had transpired .. and that I truly hoped that he might also know that one day himself.

He replied that he didn't think he could ever get to that point. That Uru brought him no joy .. and he was glad to be rid of it.

I suggested that perhaps once there was some space between him and Uru .. that he might find something that did bring him joy .. and through that some peace .. and that I hoped that one day we might run into each other in Uru Live and that we might have tea and pick up that chat we had once started about the movie "What The Bleep?!" that we were both interested in. That it'd be a conversation I would really like to finish with him. :)

What I got was .. 'I had better not say anything more'. Meaning him I guess.

Then .. he said publicly that he needed to 'get out of there' .. and go listen to some 'calming' music.

And he poofed.

I left shortly thereafter myself.

He once said to me .. seems like such a long time ago now .. that I should not worry about a hand being slapped away .. before I even offer it. And I guess that's what I did .. offer it .. fully realizing that he might just reject it rather then accept what was so sincerely offered. Sadly .. reject it he did.

So much for trying to mend fences and release us both from a bitter episode.

He has lived in a misery of his own making from numerous fronts for a long time now. His 'issue' with me was/is small potatoes to some of the other stuff that's gone on with .. and because of .. others. I hope in time he really DOES sort it all out and move into a happier space .. carrying that crap hurts no one but himself .. so .. I do still wish him the best of luck in his journey.

Immediately after I left .. I dismantled and uninstalled my Until Uru client .. I used a vnode_cache extractor that a'moaca' made to extract all of my KI pics and .txt files .. and deleted all that was left. My Until Uru experience is done .. and I move ahead into the future of Uru Live.

I thought about this a long while last night .. then slept well. I'm glad I offered what I did .. and recognize it as that last final step I needed to be completely free of all of that. It was a HUGE step for me to make .. and I am glad that I made it.

I move forward now .. knowing that I've truly moved past all of that .. and am a better person .. not for having experienced that awfulness .. but .. for having made it through it to a whole person again.

I'm ready to fully enjoy my Uru Live experience now .. bring it on :D