Moving Right Along .. :D

I've wondered what people write in these things .. where I might start .. makes one realize that there may not be much to tell. LOL

I'm mostly trying to find a space that allows me to be who I am, I suppose .. one where I'm not trying to be all pleasing to those I know. Acceptance of who I am .. as I am .. is not a deference I've often been given .. most people prefer people around them who agree with them .. in all things .. all the time .. and I'm the queen of knowing how to play nice .. to keep others happy. It's an instinctive thing .. I'm very empathetic and easily pick up on what makes people most at ease .. and .. I just naturally do that .. more of a curse then a gift at times, I can assure you! There seem to be so many who need that sort of unconditional support .. and I have always done my best to put people at ease .. to focus attention directly on them .. ask questions .. respond to their comments .. refer back to previous conversations .. so that in that moment .. for that time .. they feel valued and listened to and worthwhile. And for the most part .. I think most people appreciate that.

Unfortunately, you can attract those who live for .. and feed off of it .. and woe be to those who dare to say 'No' to them.

I've been in a recovery mode from my most recent adventure with that .. lol .. having unleashed a vengeful torrent that seems to keep haunting me to this day .. nearly 2 years since I said that dreaded 'N' word to a female who had attached herself to me. I did the right thing .. I know I did .. and no amount of dragging it up, to beat me down, will ever change that .. however .. I have to wonder at the amount of grief I've had laid on me because of it.

It has taken away the pleasure I once had in the online game of Uru .. sent me to a place of constant physical pain, which I was months recovering from .. made me doubt my ability to make good choices about the people I meet online .. wondering, always, if "this" or "that" person really feels as friendly towards me as they seem to .. and generally took me to a low place I would not have dreamed was possible.

I suppose .. as with most things .. there had to be a tearing down .. so that something better could be rebuilt .. but my God .. it's been such a brutal road!! .. I'd like to get on with the rebuilding .. :D

Who knows .. maybe this is a good first step in that process .. guess we'll see .. :)